


Kiss Me Again, Sam

by babykid528



Series: Happy Holiday Fic Gifts [6]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mistletoe, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, implied/referenced PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3062261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babykid528/pseuds/babykid528
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam kisses Josh under mistletoe on Christmas Eve and Josh can't stop thinking about it for a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Me Again, Sam

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ruthvsreality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthvsreality/gifts).



_The Government doesn’t shut down for Christmas._  

That’s the stock line they each feed their families whenever it’s their year to stay behind during the holidays. This year it is Josh, Sam, and Leo manning the fort while everyone else visits family and takes vacations.

They have the big, West Wing holiday party for staff and assistants right before everyone who isn’t staying heads out, and once everyone is gone, Josh is left to clean up after their messes in the bullpen. Sam offers to help him, in an effort to clear his head just enough to get back to writing the speech he’s been working on. It’s nice, working side-by-side on something mindless for a change. Josh revels in the weird sense of comfort he gets from it.

He’s so lost in the act, he doesn’t notice the mistletoe hanging in the bullpen, right outside of his office door, until he’s standing under it.

With Sam.

Because life hates Josh sometimes. Often, even.

He tries to rationalize after-the-fact that things could have been worse. He could have been caught under the stupid mistletoe with Leo instead of Sam. Except, Leo would have just looked at him with a  _kiss-me-and-die_ glare, there would have been an awkward moment of babbling from Josh, and then they would have went on their merry ways, content to act like the whole thing never happened.

Getting caught here with Sam is actually so much worse than getting caught with Leo ever could be. Because Sam leans in and kisses Josh, like tradition dictates he should. He does it full on the mouth, with a little tongue, even.

And Josh – stupid, reckless,  _has-no-business-helping-lead-the-free-world_  Josh – actually kisses Sam back.

* * *

It shouldn’t be such a big deal. Occasionally friends kiss. Sometimes. Maybe. Right? 

Sam and he could just move on from this, mark it down as a thing they did that one time, but let it go then for the rest of their lives.

Except, Josh has kissed and been kissed by a number of people in his lifetime and, as cliché as it is to admit, none of those many other kisses could even hold a candle to the one Sam initiated.

Add that to the fact that Josh has had very complicated Sam shaped feelings for years and years that he keeps buried deep inside himself, and there’s really no way that the kiss,  _their kiss_ , wouldn’t be a big fucking deal.

Truly, it’s one of the biggest big deal things that’s happened in Josh’s life, ranked right up there with helping get the President elected and with getting shot.

* * *

 

 

Josh’s well-documented preferred method of dealing with ‘big deal’ things is to suppress and ignore them and their emotional impact until they’re mostly forgotten or they explode. Which is what he would like to do in this instance, but he can’t do that when a week has gone by and all he does is continually think about that kiss.

It’s New Year’s Eve and the West Wing is party central again, this time with just the senior staffers in attendance. They have a spread of food to eat, a high stakes poker game going, and President Bartlet has started a rousing game of Inane Trivia.

But Josh’s mind is completely flooded with the memory of Sam’s mouth on his, as fresh as if it just happened.

He has to excuse himself from the new round of cards and step into his office to catch his breath a little. But as soon as he escapes the gathered crowd, Sam is entering his office right behind him.

“Josh?” he asks, worried.

There’s a scar on the back of Josh’s hand still, one that he catches Sam glancing at every so often. It’s a souvenir from his once broken window. A reminder of where he was a year ago, and how far he’s come since then.

He’s not sure if the scar makes Sam nervous or if it makes him feel something else entirely, but Sam’s looked at it so many times over the year that Josh has learned to take comfort in Sam’s continued attention to it. He feels the comfort tickle warm along his spine now as Sam glances at the scar before continuing.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

Josh realizes then he never replied when Sam said his name.

“Yeah,” Josh tells him, shaking his head like he’s clearing away a jumbled etch-a-sketch.

“You don’t look fine,” Sam replies, obviously not buying Josh’s brush off answer.

Calling Josh’s lie a lie is not something Sam would have done before last year. But, in the wake of last Christmas, Sam’s not as willing to let talking slide anymore.

“It’s not. I just,” Josh fumbles with what to say.

Sam’s face looks so open and earnest in his concern, Josh kind of just let’s the truth pour out.

“I can’t stop thinking about that kiss.”

Josh isn’t sure what he’s expecting to happen following that admission, but he notes that Sam visibly relaxes upon hearing it: his shoulders slump a little more naturally, his mouth spreads into a warm grin, and he shifts a little closer in the small office space.

“Is that it?” Sam asks, voice full of mirth.

Josh let’s out a strangled huff, feeling helpless as Sam apparently makes light of the situation. 

“I don’t know about you but it’s a big fucking deal for me, this thing we’re talking about here,” Josh says, gesturing wildly, words almost incoherent.

Sam sobers.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “What exactly can’t you stop thinking about in regards to that kiss?”

Josh wants to say ‘forget it.’ He wants to put up a façade again, tell Sam it’s nothing, just a moment of panic, plaster a fake smile on his face, and then go back to the way things were between them before Sam learned to call him on his bullshit.

But they’re alone in his office and Sam’s mouth is so close to his. And Josh can’t stop staring at it.

Sam’s lips twitch up at the corner, a knowing smirk spreading across his face, and he takes a step closer to Josh before saying, voice low, “All you ever have to do is ask.”

Josh gasps out a ‘please?’ then, before he can think the better of it.

Sam’s smirk turns into a full smile as he steps in close to Josh and he takes Josh’s face in his cupped palms.

“Okay,” he whispers in return, and then his lips are brushing against Josh’s, better than the first time even, and Josh knows, deep in his gut, that this will never be something he ever stops thinking about. This will be his ruin.

He just might be okay with that.


End file.
